Archive for April, 2012

So Close

Posted by April 9, 2012


We’re roughly 4-5 weeks away from meeting baby and I’m growing more excited — more ready — by the day.  Sure, I’m nervous, but I’m becoming more and more OK with the idea of my nerves.  Previously my nerves were around the idea of, “HOLY SHIT HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO THIS!”  And now my nerves are more, “cool, I still have no idea how we are going to do this, but we’ll do it.”

Maybe I’m gaining some confidence, I don’t know.  But I keep thinking about all that we do for Macky and Diggy each and every day, and you know what?  We manage and we manage well.  (Relax current parents, I’m not comparing my cats to your children.)  We’ve sacrificed for our cats and seeing their happy tails each and every day makes it worth it.  I’m grateful that we have learned so much from the kitty experiences; it makes me feel that we can certainly do this with a non-fur-baby.

Our good friends, Shannon and Dom, welcomed their daughter the other day and Rebecca and I got to visit on Saturday.  I kept saying to Rebecca how I couldn’t believe they were parents already — and ultimately, I couldn’t believe we’ll be in a similar spot in a couple weeks.

Whenever I’m around newborns, I was never one to really want to hold one.  I just never felt comfortable doing so, because heck, they seem so fragile.  But on Saturday, I felt quite differently.  Maybe because we’re about to have one of our own or because we’re so close to both Shannon and Dom.  Regardless, it felt comforting being able to hold Allison and to watch all of her tiny expressions and movements.  It was quite amazing.

We’re coming up on my grandmother’s birthday in a couple of weeks and then a month later, it’ll mark two years since she has passed.  For the first time, I’m uneasy thinking about this.  When she passed away, I was OK.  I felt comfort knowing she was no longer suffering and I also knew she wasn’t exactly who she always was the weeks leading up to her death.

But now with Rebecca and I about to have our first, I’m missing her.   I always felt she “got” Rebecca and me, and I feel now more than ever, I need that reassurance from her.  Baby will more than likely be born sometime between her birthday and the day she passed away.

That has to mean something, right?